Hands Off the Tunes
by CatrinaSL
Summary: Silly Words for the Silly Soul(mate fic) series. Just a normal day in Avengers Tower: random superheroes dropping by, nbd. Until one of them touches Darcy's iPod and she feels the need to aggressively suggest that he put it down and back away slowly.
**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Marvel Cinematic Universe, nor Disney, nor Fox. If I did, I'd greenlight a Deadpool sequel (and renew Agent Carter, but that doesn't particularly have anything to do with this fic).

 **Soulmark AU Reminder:** Everyone has a Soulmark, a tattoo of the first words their Soulmate will say to them. Showing someone else your Soulmark is like bearing your soul to them, so most people only show their Soulmate or very trusted friends.

Also, I've never read the comics, so this isn't comics!Wade, it's movie!Wade, but either way, he agrees with me that ff . net needs to get their act together with the category mess.

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Darcy loves that she has a Tolkien reference as a Soulmark. Well, part of a Tolkien reference. Whatever. It was an amazing defense against anyone who said she was too obsessed with the Lord of the Rings movies in junior high. Because a claim like, "Shut up, Andy Serkis is my Soulmate" requires good, destiny-style backup.

Honestly, if she hadn't had the Soulmark, she'd probably have gone out and gotten something similar tattooed on her butt. Because that's where tattoos belong. Not on your _collar bone_ , Soulmark, thankyouverymuch. Seriously.

She always thought she'd meet her Soulmate while waiting in line to see one of the movies, or maybe on a fan forum, or even when she worked at the video store (in high school, before it closed).

She never thought she'd meet her Soulmate in the lab.

Or that he would be coming on to Bruce Banner at the time.

Darcy and Jane exchanged a look of confusion as the man clad head to toe in red and black bounced into their lab. Sure, Tony had said they would probably be receiving super-visitors that day, and _freaking Spiderman_ had already stopped by, so, hey, normal day in Avengers Tower.

He had already slapped Bruce's behind in a 'good job, fellow sports teammate' fashion when the physicist had attempted to keep him from pressing all the buttons, and Darcy could tell that Jane was about five seconds away from calling shenanigans on Tony and asking this guy to get the hell out of her lab when he was distracted by something shiny.

It was Darcy's iPod.

"Ooh, do you have any WHAM! on this thing, Sweet'n'Spicy?" he asked Bruce. "Or some nice Gregorian Chanting; I'm not picky."

Bruce just stared at him.

"What, you don't have any good music or you don't like the pet name? Would you prefer 'The Incredible Hunk?' 'Bruciecakes?' How about 'Hulkalicious?' No? We'll get there. Willingness to compromise is a building block of any loving relationship."

"Hey!" Darcy stood, coming to the defense of her electronics. She waved her taser. "Don't touch my iPod or I will turn you into a pile of electrified goo." She glared at him and the way he was pointedly not obeying. She brandished her weapon some more. "Understand?"

"But…" his voice came through the mask in such a way that she knew he was pouting underneath it. "I likes it!" He petted the side of it, then whispered, "My precious..."

Jane was looking expectantly at her, probably wondering why she hadn't delivered on her threats. She'd nearly kneed Tony in the special place when he had dared to suggest that she replace the out of date Apple product with some fifteen-minutes-in-the-future Stark tech.

"I don't care if you're my Soulmate;" she told him. "Hands _off_ the tunes."

"Okee dokee then," he replied, replacing her prized possession in the exact spot he'd picked it up. He sauntered forward, his head tilted, examining her. "Darcy Lewis, huh? You know our ship name is 'Taserpool?' I think that's kind of hot."

"Well," Darcy said, putting her taser down, "It would make sense. With the me threatening to tase you into a pool."

"Also me being Deadpool."

Darcy was confused. "But I didn't even tase you, like, at all."

"No, that's my—" He pointed at his face. "Deadpool. Like… 'Iron Man' or 'Prince Thor of Asgard,' only slightly sexier."

Jane contributed her opinion in the form of a disbelieving snort that quickly turned into a disbelieving giggle.

"You can laugh now," he told her. "But wait until the girly gossip you get from my Soulmate here about how much sexier I am than at least three Greek gods and a couple of Egyptian ones. " He turned back to Darcy. "I was going to have Tall, Dark, and Curly over there show me around, but I think I'm contractually obligated to ask you to give me a tour, Soulmate."

"Yeah, okay," Darcy agreed.

"Great!" He slung an arm around her shoulders and steered her out of the lab, pausing at the door to wave goodbye to Jane and Bruce. "Toodles!"

Now that they were alone, Darcy had to ask. "Who are you under there, anyway? Not Andy Serkis, by any chance?"

"Nah, just a mouthy kid by the name of Wade Wilson. And I always preferred Dominic Monaghan, myself. He's _way_ dreamier."

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 **Author's Note:** You can read the bonus scene/headcanons on my fic blog at iwillwriteyourfic DOT blogspot DOT com SLASH 2016 SLASH 04 SLASH silly-words-for-silly-soulmate-fic DOT html


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